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‘Why are people so dumb?’
Posted by John Dalton on July 2, 2008+ Emotional issues - Why are people so dumb? - September 05
Ok Maestro. Read your blurb on your website.
You don’t seem like your standard “Be still
and know that I KNOW,’ sort of cranio person.
Is there a factory somewhere I don’t know about
that churns these folk out?
Anyways, I’ve got a question for ye.
I’ve been seeing people for 4 years now, using
a combination of acupuncture and cranio.
As time goes on I’m seeing the cause of many
physical problems are emotional.
They tell you their life stories when they come
in and you can see how they keep repeating
the same self destructive patterns over and OVER again!
You point it out to them and they just keep doing it?
What gives?
Why don’t they get it?
Believe me I’ve tried everything!
So let’s hear your answer on that one Kemosabe.
K. Orlando. Fl.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Why DON’T people get it?
Is it because they are dumb?
Well let’s explore that. If the reason people don’t
get stuff is because they are dumb then that would
include you and me.
Wouldn’t it?
Or do you think we are special?
That you and I get stuff quicker than other people?
Maybe it’s just you and the rest of us are dumb?
Okay, so maybe there is something else going on.
It’s called subjectivity.
Let me explain.
This situation happens to about once every couple of
weeks in my practie. I will be talking with a patient
about their condition. I will be in the middle of
saying something that I hadn’t verbalised before and
what I am saying is COOL!
Part of me will be listening and thinking ‘This is
really good, profound, insightful stuff I’m saying.’
Within a few minutes the patient will be looking
at me in an awed sort of way. I can see them
rummaging around internally for the makings of
a nice pedestal to put me on. That’s when my
ALARM BELLS GO OFF.
For me and for them.
While I acknowledge that every now and again
I do say something original, I know it’s not
good for me to get too self admiring about it.
I also, know that the patient is about to disempower
themselves if I don’t do something fast.
At this stage they will usually be in the middle
of telling me how they feel like a screw up of
one kind or another.
The inference being that there are people in the
world who are normal, they are in the majority
and the patient is an anomaly.
I stop them and explain the objective/subjective dynamic.
I make a point of explaining that I can have insight
about their lives because I AM NOT IN THEIR BODY.
I’M NOT LIVING IN THEIR LIFE.
I further the point by telling them that if we
swapped seats and I started telling them about
my life, they could have some very useful insights
about my life. Particularly the things I am not seeing.
Bottom line Tonto, is you have been sitting in the
therapist’s chair too long. You have forgotten what
it is like to be a patient. You have started to
believe your own press and feel like you should
be up there on that pedestal your patients have
been eager to put you on.
WARNING! WARNING! YOU ARE IN DANGER OF
FALLING INTO THE THERAPIST TRAP.
I know because I fell in it a few times myself
in different ways. It is one of those things
you need to be very proactive in not allowing to happen.
You have to nip it in the bud with yourself first
and then with your patients.
No pedestal building allowed.
No special powers implied.
No act together imagined.
So be of good cheer, K of Orlando, it’s not hopeless
but you will need to do something NOW.
I suggest going to a therapist, a cranio sacral
therapist even. Put yourself in the other chair
for a bit.
Take a class. Learn something new.
Do whatever you can to break up the cocoon of
smug superiority you have woven around yourself.
Try and energetically stand beside the patient
as you look at their problem, rather on opposite
sides of it.
Be with them, two people doing the best they can,
sometimes with ignorance and fear
sometimes with grace and beauty.
Dude, somebody hug me.